Death… Its going to happen at some point….

My brother is chillin in Iraq, I reallver recieved a call from him but at times my parents do so he’s ok.

I’ve been recently thinking about death… Not killin myself but just death in general…

I know i’ve mentioned it before but this time its different. Its not really about people who are gone, but rather people who are reaching the end of the line.

I was walking down the empty path to the apartments when out of no where a memory hits me. It was about a year ago. (actually in a few weeks Exactly a year ago)I went to ecuador with my dad and my brother, It was the best Sring break of my life. On my last day there (since we have different vacation times we left at different times) my dad wanted to take me to the grave where my grandfather was placed. He died on the operation table ours before his heart transplant. He thought it would be a niice gesture if i went and payed my respects.  To be honest i didn’t think of a better honorable way to end my trip in ecuador.

My uncle drove my dad myslef and my brother to the cemetary. The place was very big and it was a very sunny day. None of us knew where exactly he was located b/c the grave was given to us by a close friend he has a whole shrine built for himself and his family so he gave up half of his house.  My dad was here in america when they did this so it was hard to find. we spent about an hour trying  to find the location and time was running out since my flight was in a coupl of hours. Luckily my aunt found the place. The little house was very bright and welcoming. The door was locked so the grave diggers and and homeless people won’t come in and ruin the tombs. 

Inside there was two walls with shelves on them and on the shelves there are three sections on it. Two small sections on the ends and a big section in the middle. As soon as i got into the tomb i saw on my right a filled section with my grandfather’s name on it.  so i know he’s in that tomb. I had a rush of realization that this man has left us and went to a better place,but it also gave a sense of relief, knowing that my family, my ancient blood line had a place to rest. Seeing it in front of me opened my eyes and warmed my heart.

…..

these are the real word that hauint me in my thoughts for a while.

I asked my dad why they have the small sections on the shelf for and he responded:

That were your grandfather’s ashes are going to be.

“In a couple of years or decades they are going to get him out of the tomb and put him in a ash vase and place it in one of the sections.” 

“Then ill be the one in that tomb”……

I keep forgeting how much time is passing by that I would end up seing my father in the tomb taking my kid to pay their respects.  He basically told me what he’s going to do when he passes on. So he doesnt fear it, he knows whats going to happen to him, but i hope that day wouldn’t come….

And with my condidition… I might as well think about the inevitable, but i hope as well….

A Story That I didn’t want to tell…..

Have you ever had a point in your life that you don’t really want to talk about but at the same time you want to shout it out to world that everyone to hear. Its not that you don’t want to tell them, its simply the matter that no one would believe it. You are a completely different person to them that no matter what you say theywould  think that its a joke and you are just fooling around with them. You have a secret so unusually dark and…. inhuman, do you think that the sick sotry would come out of a warm hearted human being can really be a reality. Unfortunately no matter how hard I try to stay warm hearted, caring and friendly, a cold heart still beats withing my chest…..
Heres the story i didn’t want to tell….

It started in 1988 when Regan became president, He decided to invest in a top secret program that would acellerate an individual’s  rate of learning and training to cut the amount of time in half.  It’s really a unethical thing but they figured the sooner they finished the training the sooner that can start gaining experience and in the game of war its the most experienced and active that survives. I was the first to be in the program,and trust me i didn’t have a choice. I was found alone outside a burning house, My parent’s house, when i wasnt even a year old. They brought me in and they decided, since im non existant that i wouldn’t be missed.  The program runs 24 hours of my life i was always awake day and night. I wouldn’t even know the difference since i lived in a cage of solid concrete and body guards most of my life. When i started to walk they started up the program by mentally splitting me in two, using an unusual type of hypnosis that made me two equal identities. They named me joe and jake…..

When i was Joe i took the intelegence part of the program. They stimulate my mind so i can start my education, it started simple, ABC’s 123’s. They also taught me to sing, dance, compose music and undertand art. My mind was a sponge and I absorbed all the knoledge they gave me.  Later in my life they taught me more advanced stuff, Biochemistry, physics, Philosophy and Literature i can play any instrument, dance any dance compose music and speak multiple laguages and then some.  The gave me puzzles, strategey games, numerical equations. Soon enough, I can plan an entire counter attack withing minutes i can look at enviroments and calculate the best offense. My brain was soo accelerated, If i focus hard enough i i can see the world moving in a turtle’s pace. I was only 12 and i would have been one of the great minds of the century… If the world knew of my existence.

Jake….

When i was Jake as a young boy i started out simple, i played softball and did alot of child-like games, you know as a growing boy should. I was introduced to foot ball and basketball and hockey when i was 4. Later in the years i was taking different styles of martial arts and military based fighting styles.  I had the speed of a cobra and a strength of  a elephant.  I also took pain endurance training and hard body training. Stealth and close quarters combat was as easy to me as walking. When i hit puberty i did alot of weight training. By the time i was 13 i was a killing machine.

How was this possible, its really simple joe would study during the day and jake would study during the night. It was the perfect idea, separating the training and studying into two separate minds of one person its insane. by the time i was 14 they wanted  to test me out separately. They put me in a real senario and the results were impressive, too impressive. Joe would have the data and surveyed the area and made the plans out in detail, then jake would be the fist one in there taking out the terrorist. it was one of the fastest resolved crime ever….

on my 15th birthday  they decided to combine the two minds to one……

A perfect soldier….

a mind of a genius and the body of a killer……

it was almost done…

when suddent they realiezed that they became too different, one mind would fight off the other in a constant battle.  Jake and joe in a cinstant struggle to dominate unfortunately joe lost the battle. Jake prevailed and has all the knowledge and he lost control. soldiers come in in waves butI was too strong. I killed anyone that stood in my way. Then i passed out from a tranq dart emitted from the hypnotist himself.

The Government realized that this was too much to handle, They can’t keep him like this in jail because of his power. The hypnotist had a plan, realizing that he care about joe he didnt want to ruin the rest of his life. He was starting to think of me as a son.

He did one last hypnotism on me, He banished jake into the back of his mind and locked him away. He removed all the harsh memories in my mind and put new ones in its place. He made me believe that i had a family and amazing friends, He made me friendly and homey.  Made me more into wisdom and philosophy and charming with a open mind at that. HE basically gave me a life i never had in a matter of minutes and my real past a horrifying nightmare. For my 16th birthday i Finally slept for the first time….

and it was good……

and now youre wondering…

if this became a long nightmare how did you remember it all….

well

just to  put it bluntly….

not all hypnotism work forever….

I remember my past

and i remember jake….

but jake isnt around …. as long as i have a strong mind he’s never coming out again……..

………

The end….. for now

lol

Im writing a book and this was like a preface thing…. What do you think about it?

I’m hot…Not in a sexy way just body-heat wise..but yea im good looking too

My brother is buying a TV for the family… hehe the billing address is fucked up so i have to work that problem….

For the people who don’t know I have this condition… I really don’t know if its a good thing or a bad thing….

Whenever I party alot or drink enough I get soo hot my body literally looks like its on fire…

Steam comes off of my head, shoulder, arms….Its intense. Whenever i go partying i get the same response. “ohh shit id he on fire, he’s really steaming”….its really a gift and a burden I, i Warm people up i get really sweaty fast at clubs and parties (If anyone goes to club BLVD in NY there are these sections of blue light that are air conditioned AKA my Home base)..

any way i was thinking about The first time it happened to me and wondered how it all started……

The more i think about its like a story line for a superhero getting their powers…

only its steam…

not so powerfull…

I think i started about eight years ago…

There was a huge blizzard that was happening in my town it was intense the snow was about two feet when i got up that december morning, I  knew it was a snow day becuase  my  parents called me that it was closed. I was really excited but i didnt want to stay in all day. I made alot of preparations for what i was about to do that day.

I wore two pairs of socks, long johns a pair of sweatpants, Denim jeans i undershirt a t-shirt a turtle neck a sweater a coat  a scarf,  a cotton  hat and  construction boots. Oh yea i was more than ready to take on the blizzard. I even had a general path to when i will explore. My grandmother advised me to not go… but i was already in the gear so I went off.

an hour went by and i was ok so far, i was talking for about a mile and i could still keep going. I made a quick pit stop to the 7-11 for a quick bite to eat i looked at myself in the mirror. I was completely covered in snow, The harsh winds and thick snowflakes stuck on me. I was online for about half an hour so the snow melted off. once i got my food i started walking again.

…..

This is the part where it goes downhill

another hour went by and i was 30 minutes away from home when i Started to feel a weird chill from my leg i was about the check it out until i slipped onto a hole on the street. My boots were not aligned to my foot  and  one of my contact lenses slipped out of my eye and froze While in my eye!! so i was trying to get home with my feel feeling like they were walking on a tight rope and my eye feeling like its being slowly stabbed…It was one of the worst pains in my life

and did i mention mi was beginning to feel frozen stiff, the water that melted from 7-11 seeped into my coat and sweatshirt and pants and froze inside. So what was before a warm protection became my own ice prison……

what would have taken me 20 minutes now more than doubled the Blizzard blowing against me didnt help either, I couldnt close my eye to block the snow and my scarf was practically glued to my face, the gloves were starting to get  iced over so i took them off .  The moment i saw my  house i  moved very quickly  to the stairs . when i got in i  couldnt feel anything. even when i took off all of the ice covered clothing, i felt nothing. the warm shower caused every inch of my body to feel like a coat of wasp needles and rosethorns….

I was shivering for three days, i was scared about what happened to me… next thing i know i was all better again.

A few months later i was shoveling the snow off the driveway when i felt a huge punch of warm coming from my body. It was soo hot i had to take off the jacket. the next thing i know i was steaming…I mean really i was completely steaming i didnt need the coat anymore. I was perfectly fine in the freezing cold so i continued on with the shoveling….

…

so there it is….

my steaming powers in a nutshell

Maybe someday it could be a movie

or at least a miniseries
or not V_V

Death….

My brother is getting married, i gave him my congrats and told him i was honored to be the best man…. obviously im going to make a funny speech at the reception……

My friend told me a while back that his friend was killed , im not going to give any more details than that only that my friend was hurt  and devastated from that…

i could only give him soo mush advice but death is in a league of its own.

Its  something that was can’t stop but its also something that no one could handle no matter how tough you are. Losing someone is hard, especially when you feel that the person left this earth at a young age. Death is inevitable, you friends will die, you family will peris, the ones closest to you heart will be gone down the road and you don’t know when it would occur. I know how losing someone dear to can be hard. The things you usually do with them will never feel right when youre by yourself, you break down when you think someone says their name,  you can’t walk down the street without being constantly reminded of them somehow. Some people feel that its their fault for their death, you can see it in their faces thinking “If i didn’t scream at him for this stupid thing” or ” If i just talk to him more and see whats going on” or “If i paidattention to them and listened towhat they said”. You can’t beat yourself up like that. I lost afew people in my life so far, some really close than others, but i manage to push on. It was hard on me because I didn’t find a person to talk to… i just stood there and cried.

Unfortunately the more my close people died…. the harder my heart became, tear flow less and less with each passing day and i realized something….the same thing, every time it happens.

My heart wasn’t turning dark and cold and hard,its just the same, only I just move on remembering the time i had with them. Of course some things will change, thats a definite, but thats whats life is about. Getting through the rough patches and moving ahead. You could never forget them even if you tried. “They will be missed but never forgotten”.

Sorry

Its been about three months since I’ve typed up something, but don’t worry ive been doing alot of thinking at the airport (6 hours to be exact). so here it goes….

Kids….why do they like me??

Another phone call from my brother, he’s doing ok, working out and trying to keep the dust out of his face. otherthan that just peachy.

I remembered one time where I was heading back home from work and there was a lady holding a baby boy on her lap. I wasn’t doing anything at all but the kid looked at me as if i was some sort of fascination.  I wasn’t the only one noticing that, the kid’s mother noticed it too.  ”He really seems to like you, he never shows this much affection to complete strangers, he barely does it to some family members”. I looked at the kid and waved at him, then out of nowhere he wanted me to pick him up, and he had the biggest smile on his face. I was thinking for one second i realized something…

that kid…

who was willing to let strangers like me to pick him up

is going to be fucked up from the world outside his mother’s arms….

The kid’s name is Josh and his mother( which both are from queens) was taking him to an audition for a baby commercial in central park. I wish them the best.

Kids like me…

I don’t know completely know why. Maybe its because they believe at this age that most big people are jolly.

take santa clause…

or the michelin man…

I think the main reason is that i give that sense of security, like if there with me theyll be ok.

Yes i did mention how at first people are scarred of me, but that people around my age.

Little kids don’t count.

Another reason that kids like me is that when they hang out with me (its usually at a old people party or while im waiting for people to get ready, no babysitting…hell no) I talk to them as if they are my age…removing  the swearing of course. I also don’t sugarcoat what i say to the kids Its usually blunt and to the point. none of that ”mr rain is coming to town” or some shit like that. If you make it sweeter that it should sound then then reality will change then and hit them hard. I like to consider myself as the gateway between the kid’s world and the real world. (and not the MTV shit either)

L.O.V.E. (Don’t look at me like that read the blog first F/%#r!)

Today My brother gave me a call, he is now in Iraq and i wish the best for him. I can’t even hold a phone and say my brother’s without my parents running to me as if he was held for ransom. Well, metaphorically speaking its mostly true.

Any way today was my last day of work so now i can chill for about 6 days before I head upstate Woo hoo.

On my last day i decided to mingle with my co-workers and i was making them laugh and blush, it was a fun last day then one of the girls  ask me a serious question ”Do you have a girlfriend? you got to have one with that sense of humor and quirkyness”. I simply told her no. I’m very picky when comes to relationships, its not a shallow thing its something else.. ill explain…

In middle school I was a fat little kid (BIG SURPRISE,,i know) so i didnt have much self confidence. I was the kid who always wears sweatpants to hide my girth. (Nobody will ever know that in those ballon sized, MC Hammer pants, that there was a round little boy. My self esteem was low..as well as my self confidence. Ok i lied I had no self confidence. I always hang out with my friends (all of them guys) because most girls won’t look at me. as if i didnt exist, and i mean ”most” girls, because this is  the part that made me the picky person you see before you.

Most of the girls that wouldn’t talk to me….are too worried about their own image, people who thinks that talking to guys like me would knock them down a few bars in the popularity meter. That right apparently im a deduction (sorry watching the olympics, so it kinda flowed) and out of those girls they are mostly stuck up and sorry to say this, brighter than a wet match.

However there were girls during that time, smart fun girls who would actually talk to me. It could have been as simple as a ”hey joe” or we could have actual chit chat about science or something intellectual at the time. (you have to understand its 6 to 8th grade here). It didn’t matter, at that age I began to realize what kind a person i would like to have in my life (thats right by 8th grade i figured it out and this is without the help of a teacher assistant) Someone who is strong independent and open-minded. Someone who is cultured and doesnt care on what everyone thinks about her when she does something out of the ordinary, something out of the box, a different perspective in life……

……

ok i didn’t think of all that at that age…… all i know back then is that someone that would have talked to someone like me as if i was a person and not a deduction, well then its a start. Its not being shallow at all right. later along the years, my confidence grew as i gotten taller and skinnier, as in my fat distributed evenly…sort of and i started to become more socially active. I made some choices in life but most of them never had the sense of security i needed, I don’t know if thats the right word.

uh…

ok i got it..

the person should make me feel like she’s talking to me as a person. Someone adventurous and takes different paths in life and not follow any one elses. Thats the right one for me.

oh…

and she has got to dance well…if not im kicking her out….

ok im joking hehe….

but seriously….dancing….yes

Work…Summer Jobs…stuff that slowly erode your soul away.

My brother is in Kuwait right now…and he’s in dire need of a shower…

I’m keeping myself updated so I know where he is while im doing these blogs..

Its like “where’s waldo”…except… its called :”Where’s Feranado?”

It a spanish version of it… i should do that for the kids…and ill be rich…

 

Just to let everyone know , yes the title is right. In fact, im writing this blog at work. So, to put it in perspective im getting paid to write this…. ^_^ sweet.

My job is pretty simple…..but since i want to preserve the job and not tell you the name of the company… I wont.

I work in Brooklyn NY, downtown brooklyn…where all the lawyers, judges,and parallegal are located. This company is like a loan comapny, but only for peolple who are suing someone because of their personal health like car accidents police butality, shit like that , What i basically do is sit at my desk…as i am now….and wait for a client or a new client to call. I tell him or her either their status on the case or the information about the company. I sometimes help out around the company when the call are too slow like deposit chacks to the banks or scan client info into the system. But most of the time…i do nothing.

The commute is a bitch ( 90minutes)… but its even hard when youre trying to save money when your going with your parents to the city. Basically i get up at 5 am, Park the car at the train station and then get into my parent’s car and drive to manhattan,( that right im not being dropped off in brooklyn since my parents work in the city). I usually eat breakfast with them, which is pretty good since i barely get to see then at it is. then i take the subway for 20 minutes all the way to brooklyn….. I get there around 8am and work doesnt start until 9 am. If i spent the 11$ extra a day i would have taken the train at 7:30 and gotten to work around 8:45.. but likei said i like hanging out with my parents so that our “family time”.

the environment at work isn’t that bad everyone gets along and most of then haven’t reached 30 yet, its a young company but its been growing since last summer when i worked here as well. Since work is slow i usually talk to the people around me, they have great personallity and i can easilly hang out with them, they make the day go faster which is always great. there is a guy here my age who I usually chill with, his name is Jim, and even though hes my ages he’s been working here longer. The girls here are sweet and have great personallity, I usually flirt with them just for kicks but i think they knew my game. The guys here are cool as well, the main guys here reminds me of the people from “Animal house” you know a bunch of frat guys reeking havoc and having a good time at the same time, yea theyre definitely like them. they like to kid around but they know when they have to put on their serious faces and get down to business. There’s not alot of workers for a national funding corp (60) so we think as ouselves as family.

There are a few cons in the job you have to be patient as well as polite to the clients. You think its easy now…but when you have about 60 calls and some of them think that “what is your date of birth” is a yes or no question, or when youask then what type of case they have theay want us to call the attorney because they have no clue what we are talking about, or if youre trying to take an application while hearing the client’s kids or the TV in the background, its really a game of patience. Another downfall is that this job changed me it a way, im usually the person who whould get out if his way to help a person out but…this isnt the kind of job to do that. If a Client has a case that we couldnt fund, i have to tell them that they were denied, then they would either hang up quickly or (the part i hate) ask why, while hearing the sobing on the other end of the line. Its not a job for the kind hearted. I became alittle cold on the inside.

But thats life…

In the end …5pm i clock out, take the subway to the train station take the train station back home and drive the car to the gym and work out until 9. from 5am to 9pm I am away from home for the past two months. this is going to be my last week of work then I have a eek of from the world before i start school. woo hoo one week of summer… and like all last minute days…its probably going to rain.

Im going miss the people at work regardless on how it changed me for the worst but i did get something out of it thats is definitle going to make me a better person. One of the top guys at work (Chief operating officer hehe aminal house) asked me what i was going to do after this.

I replied “well im going to try to get a class in forensics after graduation and get a job in forensics”

he told me something that is probably going to stick with for quite some time.

“Listen Joe, don’t say “try” because its basically saying that its not within reach yet. Say “do” because it Makes it sound more in reach , as if its around the corner. In life, you can’t see it so you can believe it, you have to believe it, then you will see it.”

That really stuck a nerve in me, I felt like it was the best advice that i have ever had in my life….

Im goingto miss them alot when i go back to school…

However, i always have the option of coming back to visit, and I’m definite looking foward to the growth and changes of this comapny when I come back.

Life.. *Warning alot of mini-stories: It could blow your mind!*

Life….Its a longs ass time for all of us……

I guess i can start off with my life this year…

I’m a third year in college and so far its been going pretty well. I remember my first year pretty well, its not long ago so I have a good memory of back then. Like most college people college can change you. Culture shock is the biggest thing I went from a suburban environment where Minorities like myself are a majority in the town to a college where the minority is…well the minority. I’m open minded so i didn’t mind the transition but it was a big change. To some people the change can be as little as living with another person in a dorm room, or as big as having been introduce to a completely different culture. College introduces you to a place right before the real world, and depending on how you were raised and what was your view point in life, college, at first can be exciting or scary. This “Transition in your life will mold you to a person that you will turn out to be in the future. Of course some people think that it wont change them, they will come out the same as they came in. the truth is, change is inevitable if you didn’t change at all, the you really didn’t live.

Don’t get me wrong college isn’t the only catalyst for change. I have friends that took other directions after high school. Some people decided to take the pursue life-dreams on the open road and make something of themselves to the world…yea. I haven’t really heard of them after graduation, but I hope they are living their dream. If not well… I with you guys the best of luck. Some decided not to go to college, but to find a good job and live a decent life. Then there are the other guys…the few …the proud…the military men…and women. They decided to go into service and make America proud, fight the terrorists and protect our flag. My brother is one of those guys….

For most of our adolescent life me and my brother haven’t really seen each other eye to eye. He was cocky and tries to be the dominant male in the family, but thats what the marines do to some people. Yea they have the right to feel confident since they done some intense physical tests and survived the training with their minds intact, but the military does change the way they behave. They can be a down to earth individual that likes to relax and have fun with their friends and loved ones. however after all of the military training and isolation from the world, people will know some of the differences. I can’t believe the number of my close friends whose boyfriends/girlfriends break up with them after the training. They become too full of themselves and try to take advantage of that. It’s bad, these are the types of changes the we would all go through. Different relationships, different routines, basically different paths. My brother is bad but lately after whats going on as we speak…things changed for the better.

In March I saw him for the first time in 8 months, and he told me and my family that he’s going to Iraq in 2009. In July he told that he’s heading out in the middle of august. my parents were devastated, especially my mom. Of course whose to blame her, she know him longer than anyone on the earth. I could never truly understand the feelings that are going through her mind right now, she in NC right now having the last few days together with him. I would go but I’ve already made peace with him after 20 years of sibling rivalry, and i didn’t feel like ruining that. He came up to visit last week and we went to six flags with his g/f and his g/f’s brother and we had a good time (besides the horrible 3.5 hour traffic). we had a bbq with family and it was a good family bonding moment, a moment knowing that wherever he is we still support him and we never forget about family. I saw a movie with him and that’s the last time I will see him until next year. We had a talk discussing the plan for this year, he sends me the flash drives and ill send the files back with movies and games for him to watch while he’s there. It’s just to keep tabs with him while he’s there and at the same time keeping him entertained and to know that his brother has his back.

Looking back at our dysfunction i realized that it was all those years of disputes and conflicts that made us who we are now. He wasn’t a good student so i sometimes help him with his HW and sometimes even do his HW, which led to my continuation of my education and high intellect. My brother tries to sneak up on me and tackle me, but every time he does that he ends up on the floor yelling”uncle uncle!”. it was too easy for me he kept pursuing it and kept trying to make me say uncle but it never happened. His continuous thrive for doing things that everyone would expect that he would fail, gave all the more reason to continue though obstacles like his training. Basically our disputes ended up making a better us. So as he goes on his path of serving the country I’m here, putting my nose in the books and continuing on my education. College is just as difficult mentally for me as it is physically for him over there.

College over the years has been a roller coaster, meeting different people, making friends and making enemies. Its difficult being yourself while being surrounded by many different cultures and groups. some people would like you for who you are and some won’t. “You can make some people happy some of the time, but you can’t make all of the people happy all of the time”. I’ve said this quote to so many friends that I can’t keep count. there will always be enemies in your life, there will alway be drama no matter how hard you try to avoid it. There are just some people who would naturally hate you, but, even though you have enemies doesn’t mean you don’t have just as much friends.

I know I have great friends….

My friends are the only thing that keep me from falling off the cliff into insanity….

…..metaphorically speaking of course not suicide ..i want to make that clear. An outside stimulus of the mind is what really makes the world spinning…your world. I have great friends. I have friends that i can hang out with all the time and not get bored.Friends that I can talk to and have interesting “intellectual” conversations with without falling asleep. Friends that would follow your lead when you’re about to do something stupid or daring or funny, not only to do it right beside you, but probably just watch you and laugh at the inevitable failure while recording it for you tube. People you trust when they say “We’ll catch you” and (looking at yourself being a big person like me) you believe it. Those are friends I’m talking about.

Friendship isn’t a one way direction, both ends of the spectra are needed. i think I’m a good friend, if theres a friend that needs to speak out their issues, or to vent to ill be there with a shoulder to cry on and my helpful words wisdom beyond my years (thats what a girl told me when i was hanging out with her, she a psyc major so it was a good call on her part.). If my friend was bored out their mind well, start the camera Im going to do something stupid. I try to make every time we hang out a memorable one. I try to make every college day a memorable one. tomorrow is a new day to make an impression on the world and my friends are the world to me. They saved me more than they’ll ever know.

Well then, I think that will be enough for today hehe….

Man that was a lot of thinking…..and this was the tip of the iceberg.

hopefully I’ll come back to this blog and talk about my adventures and give simple advice, I hope you’ve enjoyed looking into the door of a complex and unique mind.

Take care.

My First Blog

First off I would like to thank A friend of mine for convincing me to do this thing. So Kristina..thanks for the site and the motivation to write some shit on a blog rather than go and see a psychiatrist about my rants… i feel so loved right now…..

ok…so..

hmm…

I got too much shit in my mind to write about…. I guess ill try and make a few summaries and try to make the best of the first one. Just remember as you read this its my first time….

so be gentle…..